Iphy (ailes_de_verre) wrote,
Iphy
ailes_de_verre

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Changes and Goodbyes

Hi LJ and friends list. Coming out of the wood I guess. Suddendly I felt like posting again,don't ask me why. I've been keeping an old fashioned diary during this months that I've neglected LJ. It had a good bitter sweet feeling to it. I don't know though with how much precision I'll keep updating this LJ again,I don't want restrains.But then...here's what's going on with me




I turned 28 last February 4th. Grown up,eh? I'm not crying anymore over the fact that I'm getting adult and haven't lived my teenage years yet. I have a new approach to life,definitely.and part of it is also because I haven't been online for so long. I want real life,I truly do. I worked my ass hard for my life,my real life. I realized I spent all that time and all those entries to complain about my life but in reality I didn't do anything to get a better life.
I passed my last two exams ( German 2 and German 3 ) last October. My grades were 26/30 and 24/30,not great,indeed,but I was so glad I passed I couldn't have cared less. I started working on my thesis. It was a long run,since the teacher I had chosen in the first place didn't want me and my research anymore,so I had to change teacher and all that jazz. My new teacher is a superstar *squee* He's a movie critic,he writes for a pretty famous newspaper,he goes to Cannes and acts like God. I never see him basically,but just his assistant,who is a hairy man who resembles a pokemon whose name I don't remember,or better I've never known
My thesis has a nice title 'Fast talking dames : Carole Lombard and Jean Harlow,two divas of the Old Hollywood' Basically,it is quite easy to write. These are facts I've known for a long time,I juat have to understand how to put them together on a thesis,since it looks I'm more inclined to write a story than an essay.

I'm not friends with my best friend anymore. Sounds funny,doesn't it? Well,it is not correct we're not friends anymore,we're not friends given the meaning for me has the word 'friends'
As I had predicted last year,she has her own friends now,close friends who share her new life,and a boyfriend. These are the people she spends her time with now. I tried to step back in time,to find again the things that we had together when we felt like sisters,but for the first time in my life I experienced that you can't put together what is broken,as much care and tenderness you put to it. All Alessandra had to say regarding what happened between us was 'things change' but I guess it is a true test to our friendship that it didn't stand the test of changes and boyfriends.

Having lost my one and only friend,sure took its toll on me. I spent months being closed in,staring at the walls of my rooms and crying over the shitness of my life. But you know what? I don't want to step back and cry,but go ahead and fight. Last week I started the course to take my driving license. I'm going there every day from 7pm to 8pm. It's fun,there are other guys,younger than me,but it's a funny atmosphere and it gets me out of the house. I'm hanging out with a few old friends of mine I had neglected in my endless search for the perfect friend. How stupid I was! Perfect friends,if they do exist,are stupid. I want faulted friends,and I want to be able to accept them. I'm hanging with Alessandra B sometimes. I don't like some of her attitudes,but then,she may not like some of mine as well. I've also met Claudia again,and we've spent some good time together. Both of them have boyfriends so it's not like we can hang out together during the weekends,but it's good to start building something again

I'm working a lot. It's not a real job,as you guys know I'm giving private lessons. The boy that came here this year,did really better in english. The teacher complimented his mother about his improvements in english and that made me feel pretty proud. I'm also helping him with Literature ( Italian literature that is ) and Latin. To help him with latin is a pretty hard task,but I'm really trying to give him my best
I'm also helping a very nice girl,called Anna Chiara,with her High School graduation exams,and also another little boy of 11 with his junior high exams.
I feel really useful if that's the word. All these people have faith in my and my capacities,it really feels good

dieting is doing good,I've lost some more and I'm determined to get all the way through.
my long,incredibly long hair,got incredibly short. Gritting my teeth,i decided to cut it all. It still feels weird after a month,but my life is changing,or,better,i'm determined to make it change.It's time for NEW

this is me,just a few minutes ago with my new do and new glasses


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Last...Goodbye Sydney,we will miss you art,your smile and the emotions you've given us

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